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Mother,Tell your children not to walk my way. Tell your children not to hear my words. What they mean. What they say.

So incredibly busy right now. I feel like I’ll never get caught up, but I’m sure as hell gonna try.

There are not enough hours in a day or enough energy to get caught up on all of the projects I am involved in. I have managed to “manage” my insomnia which has been my curse for as long as I can remember.

This is my own damned fault. If I am not productive and not creating I feel completely incomplete.

I’m consumed and sometimes after a long stressful day or work I just want to crash. I don’t even have the creative energy to keep this Diary going, but I will muster some up if its the last fucking thing I do. It hasn’t been easy, but what in my life ever has.

It helps to be around creative people. Not many around these days. Max has been travelling a lot. He’s creative and when we talk we talk about creating and being productive.

My house seems to never get clean enough. I’m always cleaning this old place. I cannot wait to move to the burbs finally. But it won’t happen over night. This is what I meant by “year zero”. The first of August a long 6 year stretch of stress and frustration had finally ended, allowing me to move on with my life.

In this dirty old part of the city
Where the sun refused to shine
People tell me there ain’t no use in tryin’

Now my girl, you’re so young and pretty
And one thing I know is true
You’ll be dead before your time is due, I know

And I’ve been workin’ too hard , baby
Every night and day

We gotta get out of this place
If it’s the last thing we ever do
We gotta get out of this place
‘Cause girl, there’s a better life for me and you

When you think about it, it means you already believe you are behind. This only ups the pressure to perform, and even if you did “catch up,” it implies that you still wouldn’t have started the work that was supposed to be done today, rather you completed what you felt guilty about missing yesterday.

First, productivity shame is the feeling that you’ve never done enough. No matter how many hours you work or how many tasks you cross off your to-do list, you always feel a sense of shame around your work. And even when you do make some progress on your goals, it never feels like it’s enough.

Some weekends I don’t even leave the house. But I have managed a few good weekends out of here. And Sept 17th was well worth the wait.

I had been looking forward to this show all year and as always the band put me on the list. I told Greg Duncan he could be my plus 1. Why? Because he didn’t ask. he just wanted to go along with me. Not to mention I really like having him back in my life.

I had some guests in from out of town and on Saturday things got tense and there was an aura of negativity and tension in the house. I got up and went to El Palmar and ate alone in order to sort out my thoughts on Sunday morning. It was weighing heavy on me and I had a lot of people and a person I had never met in the flesh to meet a few hours before the show. I didn’t want to drag the uncomfortableness to the meet up place which was ironically The Fat Cat Lounge where I had first seen the very elusive Jennifer years before. We had a huge table and we were all drinking and having fun. Amy had the idea to meet there for a drink and then Starla from Kokomo and her friend Michael joined us. Not long after Greg and I went to the ticket office / will call and got our passes. He went to a bar in the massive Aragon and I went directly to the VIP area. He got lost but would eventually find me after the show

Danzig Setlist at Byline Bank Aragon Ballroom, Chicago, IL Sept. 17, 2023

Twist of Cain
Not of This World
Am I Demon
She Rides
End of Time
The Hunter
Soul on Fire
Evil Thing
Blood and Tears
Her Black Wings
Killer Wolf
How the Gods Kill
Dirty Black Summer
Do You Wear the Mark
Long Way Back From Hell
Snakes of Christ

It turned out to be the very best Danzig show I’d ever seen. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen his bands play but I haven’t missed a tour since 1995.

Before the show at Fat Cat Lounge in Uptown and right around the corner from the Aragn Ballroom I me up with Amy and Greg and then was joined by Starla and Michael from Indiana. It a long crazy story of how I know Starla but this was years later and the first time face to face.

If you’re looking for trouble
You came to the right place
If you’re looking for trouble
Take a look right at my face
I was born standing up
And talking back
My daddy was a green-eyed mountain jack
‘Cause I’m evil, my middle name is misery
Well, I’m evil, so don’t you mess around with me

Back at Casa Diablo my cats make sure I am aware that its their home and they just let me stay there.

Needless to say I am very excited about these two films coming out soon.

I went and wish I had not. It was not fun. No regulars were around and the best part of teh trip was eating at Culvers.

I was reminded of the first and only two albums I purchased while living in Dallas Texas the summer of 1983 Blue oyster Cult Extraterrestrial Live and The Tubes What Do You Want From Live

Am I the only Gringo that orders Fries at a Mexican Restaurant?

El Palmar 1008 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60613

Something I bought for a no show date

The elusive Jennifer actually showed up at the Dock on Montrose. That lil gal can toss back teh tequila like I’ve never seen. My old friend Dreg who has drummed behind many local bands walked by and joined us for a drink. Jennifer actually lost her way again and we didn’t get to finish our date.

Two pix from this time last year. The bottom pic is from my vest last BBQ at the house on Kenmore here in Chicago Sept 2022