{"id":3087,"date":"2023-04-16T19:36:28","date_gmt":"2023-04-17T00:36:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mkultramagazine.com\/?p=3087"},"modified":"2023-05-01T18:12:05","modified_gmt":"2023-05-01T23:12:05","slug":"i-can-feel-their-eyes-are-watchingin-case-i-lose-myself-againsometimes-i-think-im-happy-heresometimes-yet-i-still-pretend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mkultramagazine.com\/?p=3087","title":{"rendered":"I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes, I think I’m happy here
Sometimes, yet I still pretend"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I can’t remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’m writing on a little piece of paper
I’m hoping someday you might find
Well, I’ll hide it behind something
They won’t look behind<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’m still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could’ve been any other way
But I just don’t know, I don’t know what else I can do<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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April 10th 2023 Kankakee Memorial Gardens Cemetery<\/a> Nick Huffman’s headstone photographed by his mother Maureen “Mama” Huffman. The election disappointment a week behind us and a podcast with Jeff Givens just a couple days previous, Nick Huffman’s mother posted the photos of Nicks tombstone and I broke down after seeing it was engraved with ‘I DINDU NUFFIN’. That was something Nick picked up from me early in our friendship and as you can plainly see in the photo below w\/ Shasta there is also a quote from the MKULTRASOUND Podcast opening “I Speak Jive” and Nick proudly supports the show by wearing one of our t shirts.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My emotions were coupled with insomnia and an earlier conversation with my son who also felt close to Nick. It rarely happens, but if had affected my work ability and little did I know it was more than that. Amy informed me she was feeling ill and so was I. We both had COVID symptoms but tested negative. She took 4 tests. Must have been some kind of flu we picked up possible at el Palmar before our podcast with Jeff who we’d be seeing live later in the week along with a bunch of other friends. By Friday Amy had completely lost her voice. Myself it was more constant sweating and every part of my body ached. I lost 2 half days of work pretty much. Amy later commented that if Jeff would have <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Alex and Amy interview Jeff Givens for the MKULTRASOUND Podcast <\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n
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Singer\/Songwriter Jeff (The Bourbon Cowboy) Givens is a road-seasoned troubadour. As a contemporary musical gypsy, Jeff travels the country, meeting folks from every aspect of life and listens to their stories. He lives this life, documenting it all in his songs. Somehow, writing through the haze of self-destruction like his heroes before him, (Kerouac, Burroughs, Lennon, Hank, Townes and others) he has prevailed and come out the other side, battling his demons by writing about them. Born in Tennessee and raised in Chicago, The Cowboy is a music veteran of over 30 years and has played in many bands, from Chicago to Boston to London. Working with Jay Bennett from Wilco was one of his many highlights. Back in 2001, Jeff went all-in; he left his day gig and everything else to fully embrace this musical journey. Tramping around America, like a prince of skid row, he began writing songs that defined his life. Settling back in Chicago, Jeff reconnected with producer, collaborator and fellow hell-raiser, Jason (Mistah Bocka) Botka, to finish, write and record this honest, badass music. From the easy rooms of Skye Bleu Studios, Jeff’s first album, “Bourbon Cowboy” was born.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n

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A very rock n roll hot Amy Abramite co hosting <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n

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A perplexed Amy at pre podcast brunch at El Palmar over the mini Michelada I ordered for her.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n

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AZ’s token Sunday brunch cocktail margarita w\/ a sidecar shot of Don Julio<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n

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Easter Basket I made for Amy<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n

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The Jeff Givens Band at Carols. Amy with absolutely no voice at all with a sweat soaked AZ tough it out for a friends live set <\/strong>. We had waited a month for this show after seeing Jeff perform at the Montrose Saloon. Since i had a large group of friends joining me dodging the show would have been a bad idea. After work I took a power nap and then it was time to mosey.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n

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The band broke out all of the stops. Jeff cited me and Amy a few times. Made a joke about the R word and called out the tables we had gathered in the center of the floor to show our support. The band did two sets and in the second set backup singer and rhythm guitarist Paulette Bertrand dedicated the Beatles “Oh Darlin’ to me. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some of my friends that attended were Chance Jones and Heather Wagner, Max and Michelangelo Bravo, Marquette Gasser and Stephen, Angela Denk, and of course Amy.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Silent Amy (Helen Keller), Max Bravos son Michelangelo Bravo and Sweaty Z<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Amy, Michelangelo, AZ, Marquette Gasser and her BF Stephen<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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As I attempted to grab a taxi for the short ride home I was mobbed by the band and friends to do a group shot. I got home before midnight and spent the next two days in bed sweating this thing out. I even cancelled the podcast for Sunday becasue I wanted and needed to be 100% all week for work even though it would only be 4 days.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I can’t remember how this got startedBut I can tell you exactly how it will end Every day is exactly the sameEvery day is exactly the sameThere is no love here and there is no painEvery day is exactly the same I’m writing on a little piece of paperI’m hoping someday you might findWell, I’ll… Read More »I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes, I think I’m happy here
Sometimes, yet I still pretend<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3088,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","neve_meta_sidebar":"","neve_meta_container":"","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"","neve_meta_content_width":0,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"","neve_meta_disable_header":"","neve_meta_disable_footer":"","neve_meta_disable_title":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_themeisle_gutenberg_block_has_review":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3087","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-diary-of-a-damned-man"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mkultramagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3087","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mkultramagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mkultramagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mkultramagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mkultramagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3087"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/mkultramagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3087\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3252,"href":"https:\/\/mkultramagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3087\/revisions\/3252"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mkultramagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3088"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mkultramagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3087"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mkultramagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3087"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mkultramagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3087"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}